What depression feels like

  1. Every day feels like a struggle. From the moment you wake up, everything is 1000x harder.  Its not just waking up and feeling tired, its feeling absolutely no motivation to do anything let alone get up from bed.
  2. People saying ‘You just need to get out more’ irritates you A LOT.  Its not as simple as just ‘getting out more’. That will only ever be a temporary fix.
  3. Everything you used to enjoy, feels boring and like a lot of effort.  In my case, I’d be at gigs every week.  Now I never bother because I don’t get enjoyment out of going to them.
  4. Sometimes it feels like you can feel nothing and no one seems to understand that. I can appreciate why because its hard to explain it but its almost as if everything is just grey. You cant feel happiness or sadness and its horrible.
  5. Sometimes, you feel happy for short periods but that can change, quickly.  You’ll just start feeling happy all of a sudden, and usually it’ll be a ridiculously hyper state because after all, mania is the opposite of depression. In my case, after this comes a horrible low state.
  6. Relationships are near on impossible.  Most of the time, the significant other just doesn’t quite understand exactly what you’re going through, and they just think you’re being rude or hard work. Truth is, they’re probably one of the things keeping you going the most. You just cant express it in the way you want to.
  7. Most people don’t actually know you’re depressed, because you’re a great actor.  I consistently find myself acting ok, or telling people I’m fine because its easier than trying to explain why you feel so low.
  8. You feel like everyone hates you.  I find myself losing friends easily because I think they don’t care and then I get angry, when reality is they probably do. You constantly feel self conscious about everything which makes little things like talking to people in shops etc hard.
  9. Often find yourself getting angry instead of upset.  I frequently get very angry very quickly because I prefer being angry to sad, its my way of coping. This causes a lot of problems at home and with friends/boyfriends.
  10. Very jealous and protective over friends and boyfriends. Kind of links to feeling self conscious.  I think everyone is better than me and they would have a better time without me.
  11. Its easier to push people away than get close to people and risk getting hurt.  This may not apply to everyone because for me it links to more past experiences but I find myself causing arguments and becoming distant because to me, its easier than giving your all to someone for it to get thrown back in your face.
  12. Most of the time you have no idea what you want. People may say ‘do you want me to come over’ and you just don’t know because either way you will feel like poop.
  13. The little things people say, you remember. Just little things people say when they’re angry like ‘everything your fault’ stays in your mind.
  14. Nothing can make you happy, and that’s no ones fault. Most people don’t understand that you cant just do something that makes you happy to feel better.  It doesn’t work like that.  People often think its their own fault, its not.
  15. It feels like you have lost everything. This is not an understatement.  Everything constantly feels like its falling beneath your feet.

 

All you gotta remember is, hopefully, it shouldn’t last forever.  It will get better in time, you just gotta ride it out and get help in your own way.